"There is a darkness in me, and I have fallen in love with it." - Stacie Martin

"...don't close your heart...from the possibility and please don't stop believing. hope is a beautiful thing...you're beautiful..." - r.m. drake

I have no problems sitting with others in their darkness, though I am learning that most cannot sit in MINE. And that is okay; I do not need them to. When you have become more comfortable in darkness than light, your heart starts to see everything differently than it once did. You appreciate more than ever the rare souls who [even if they do not, at least try] to understand the melody of you, and do not run away when that song turns dark.

I know that I have been changing, that song darker than chaos from repressed pain becoming conscious. Yet, still there is no one I would rather be than ME. The superficial shell that houses my soul may be easy for others to want, but I know that the substance of the soul inside is hard for many to understand and accept [let alone love]. So there is no judgment when most run; the softness hidden in that dark is only for those strong enough to handle its truths.

Words: © 2019 Rosie Chee

"Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this, too, was a gift."

Seeing this quote and the words that I wrote another world and lifetime ago brings to mind what happened then and be thankful for it, as I now have no feeling or emotion looking back, only knowing that darkness is not only "given" by others but also experienced with and fallen into, and that it is not such a bad place, for think of the moon as it rests in the night, revealing more often than not more beauty, or such in different way, more soul truth, than what might or can ever be seen in day's light.

Words: © 2019 Rosie Chee

"I am not looking to escape my darkness, I am learning to love myself there." - Rune Lazuli

Image: Rosie Chee

"Sometimes a strong woman just needs to be loved." - R.M. Drake

Image: Rosie Chee

Darkness: both haven and my hell. Ironic how once safe escape can suddenly cause so much destruction.


Words: © 2018 Rosie Chee


Image: Rosie Chee

CRIMSON [FIRE] GODDESS


Embrace the fire.
Hell is your purifier,
flames the change
lighting your path,
reforging your heart
through the pain,
crimson stain glow
seeping to gold
weeping through your veins
altering your soul,
perception now enlightened,
your inner goddess awakened,
new power stirred,
strength found and grasped
in the heat
of passion that
sets you alight,
brighter than ever
in this world's darkness.
Darkness and light,
hell and heaven,
death and life,
destruction and growth,
pain and beauty,
you all at once.
Embrace it all.


Words: © Rosie Chee​

So this is how it is going to be (after everything). I know it has been rough and I empathize, I truly do, my heart bleeds with you and hurts as if I too were that going through. But I have been struggling as well (not that you notice or care if you have, and that is ok, I am used to it), dealing with my own darkness and demons, trying to ignore the sting of backhandedness and feelings of betrayal. And if this is the face of your friendship and "loyalty" when I choose to make a stand (and refuse to let myself be taken advantage of because I understand), I am actually kind of glad I am the only one I have ever really had. It makes me sad to know such truth, but better sooner than later, and not to push away the feelings, squash them down as I have done in the past. Better to face them head on and deal with it, the way I have become accustomed to dealing with everything, (falling or flying or learning fast how the fuck not to completely crash and crumble into the nothing I have often felt like being). No matter the destruction, despite all darkness and odds, I continue to go on, broken and bloody wreck if I must, even if no one "sees" beyond the superficial smile or hears the screams of my soul. It makes me thankful for my wings, not angel white but demon black, and the strength that they have learnt to harness and carry, knowing I am not what I become in the darkness to survive (even if it reveals more depths of me to myself), and that when the light eventually finds them, no one and nothing will ever be able to "steal" or bind them again. I will make sure of that, this I promise.

Words: © 2018 Rosie Chee​

Image: j.iron word

The highs, then lows, before the depths, the falling... seemingly endless falling... through the darkness, a vortex of black, not knowing when it will stop, or even if there is a bottom to be reached... a recurring dream since childhood, where you are just falling and falling and falling, through time and the black... BUT... It is just a dream, even as it is not a dream, and all dreams eventually come to an end, when we open our eyes, when we awaken... when we still ourselves enough to come back to our soul to see the blur between dream and nightmare and know both are the same, just different perspective of energy and vision... AND... we know that we can fall up too, maybe not as fast as we fall down, but we can, and we do... and we will rise past everything that we have seen or known as we fell, to a place beyond the point where we fell from... SO... keep going, my friend, dark to night, until night becomes day, that day turns to light... for the strength of your heart to hold onto hope, no matter the circumstances, is a light on its own, and you never know what difference it might make to who or where in your dark... keep a hold on your heart, for your soul, for its power.


Words: © 2018 Rosie Chee

I ran for the first time in a lifetime yesterday, between the heavy downpours of rain, after the thunderstorms of the earlier morning. It was nice, the temperature perfect, a gentle breeze while the sun peeked out.

The road was still wet from the rain, but it seemed as if almost overnight, everything had become brighter, more vibrant, green on the trees and new grass, flowers appearing, just simply everything "feeling" like a different world. Like spring has finally "arrived", watching transformation happen as if magic and being a part of it all, the outer world reflecting the changes and feelings going on inside the inner world inside of that.

Spring has always been a season I have felt "change" the air around me, whether back home or here. It is like one day everything "feels" different somehow, even if it has not. Often I have wondered if it is because something has changed inside of me each time, no matter how subtle. Perhaps, since the soul undergoes seasons too, even if not as noticeable as in the physical realm in parts of the world.

Scent, sight, sound, so many senses evoke emotion and different responses. The light can lift our soul as much as darkness can deteriorate it. Disappearing from the world for a time, especially that of depression and destruction, is not only ok, but necessary, and even if we might feel as if nothing is happening in the darkness, something is, if we let go and trust that sometimes we do not have to know everything or be in control.

But it is time to "return" again. It is time to soak this soul beneath the soothing, healing, renewing rains of spring and let it grow, waiting surprise for what may rise, but choosing to accept, approve of and love whatever blooms.

Words: © 2018 Rosie Chee

MOTIVATIONAL OF THE DAY

The night has passed in its darkness and all things hidden suddenly alight within it, words said and emotions wrought as a soul grasps itself together yet one more time. But yes, the night has PASSED and is no more. In that should be the same of what transpired within it: Let gone and let go and given to Him, for some things our soul should not bear if we want to stand unencumbered by chains of any kind, even those we might have once placed upon ourselves.

The day dawns, the fingers of light reaching across the sky reaching for you, to remind you that light pushes AWAY darkness and a NEW day has begun. A new day and a new time, giving you another opportunity to start fresh and claim it as your own, your life to walk forward in His grace and share YOUR light with the world.

As we grow in darkness, so too do we grow in light, and all that occurs in darkness will eventually be revealed in the light. Let not the darkness be the strength creeping in your soul, but take from it iron strength and indomitable will to mesh with the positive energy and healing love of the light.

© Rosie Chee

Such pain as I sit
in the light disappearing
slowly from my reach

Haiku © 2017 Rosie Chee

Art by: Alexandra GaudiBuendia Khitrova

MOTIVATIONAL OF THE DAY


DEMONS

We all have our Demons.
Some of us just hide them
Better than Most.


© 2016 Rosie Chee

MOTIVATIONAL OF THE DAY


TREPIDATION


Your darkness is not what scares me. What 'scares' me is that I might feel too much for someone who feels too little for me.


© 2016 Rosie Chee​

MOTIVATIONAL OF THE DAY


LIGHT AND DARKNESS

The most brilliant lights shine in the deepest darkness. The greatest illumination occurs in the complete absence of light. The brightest stars would not be seen if not for the darkness they are surrounded by.


In the same manner, PEOPLE cannot shine without the darkness they experience. They cannot grow without the pain suffered. They cannot know true happiness without knowing the deepest despair. They cannot fully appreciate life in all its beauty and glory without having fallen so far that they know the ugliness and depravity that balances this world.


The greatest people that you know have been through the most in life. You might not always know it, but those with discernment will sense it in their soul. The most beautiful people have the kindest hearts, even if they seem untouchable and distant. The kindest hearts come from having experienced the deepest heartache and never wanting another to suffer through the same or similar experience. Those experiences create in one an understanding, instill empathy for the lost, and allow one to grow into more than they are.


The greatest people that you know have overcome the most adversity. They have faced unspoken tragedy. They have dealt with destruction on a level they would never wish you to know personally. They are great because they have known all that and are still here. They have been broken and yet remain intact. They have been destroyed so much that they have been brought to their knees and yet they stand before you. They stand before you, because in those times, they grew in strength and courage and passion and never failed to hold tight to faith and hope and belief, even if for a time they might have felt like there was nothing left to cling to.


The most brilliant lights shine in the deepest darkness. The brightest stars are only so bright BECAUSE of the darkness.


© Rosie Chee

MOTIVATIONAL OF THE DAY


BE THE MESSAGE


You know what it feels like. You’ve been there. You might be there NOW. You know the pain that resides deep down in the souls of the lost and brokenhearted. It’s not enough to JUST know. It’s not enough to care. You have to SHOW that you care, that you UNDERSTAND. You have to be real enough that you ARE the example others can look towards, the strength that they could hold onto, a glimmer of hope that everything will work itself out and be all right. Even if everything is NOT ok for you, you can do this for them because you still have HOPE and faith in something far bigger and greater than yourself and your circumstances.


No one might know what is going on with you. All they see is a smile and positivity, the words of encouragement to others, the empathy radiating from your soul when you are confided in with others’ fears and secrets. Even if they knew what you were going through, you cannot stand there and simply tell them what to do or to have faith that it’ll be ok. You have to TRULY believe it too yourself, not just for them, but for YOU.


You have to be MORE than a message. You have to be a living, breathing EXAMPLE. You have to show through your own ACTIONS that no matter what, giving up is NEVER an option, that what is happening now can only make you STRONGER. You have to show that even if it breaks you for a time, destroys you so completely you feel like there is nothing left to recognize in the aftermath, the world CONTINUES. YOU continue.


Life goes on. And you have to BE there, pushing forward and striving higher than ever before. You have to show that your circumstances do NOT define you, even if they help SHAPE you and the path your future might follow. You have to show them that pain is just a TOOL used to see what you are MADE of, to make you truly realize what is IMPORTANT to you, that which is precious and IRREPLACEABLE, and give you the burning courage to fight FOR it with everything you have. If you want to make a DIFFERENCE, YOU have to be the MESSAGE.


© Rosie Chee

MOTIVATIONAL OF THE DAY

Not fragile, although been broken;
Not in darkness, but just been planted;
Not always strong, albeit more than appears;
Not pretty, but truly beautiful.

© 2015 Rosie Chee

MOTIVATIONAL OF THE DAY

CRIMSON [FIRE] GODDESS

Embrace the fire.

Hell is your purifier,

flames the change

lighting your path,

reforging your heart

through the pain,

crimson stain glow

seeping to gold

weeping through your veins

altering your soul,

perception now enlightened,

your inner goddess awakened,

new power stirred,

strength found and grasped

in the heat

of passion that

sets you alight,

brighter than ever

in this world's darkness.

You are

darkness and light,

hell and heaven,

death and life,

destruction and growth,

pain and beauty,

you all at once.

Embrace it all.

© 2015 Rosie Chee

Art by: dania