HOLY HELL! Today marks the 10-year anniversary of the date I first ever set foot in the States. Then I never imagined that I would STILL be here (or in and out, as have been). If I thought a lot happened in my first five years here, I had NO idea of how much MORE my life would change! More than lifetimes have passed, especially over the last 2-3 years. Anyone who knew the Rosie of 10 years ago would not even believe the woman who exists now is the same person! But, I have become more me than I have ever been, gone through so much than I ever thought possible to survive and are still here, experiencing things I once never thought could ever be for me, opening up and embracing and stepping into everything inside of me, that has been stripped back to the core to reveal and "be". 10 years ago, even five, I had no fathoming of still being here, let alone that I would have come to call somewhere (and someone) "home". It has been the most ecstatic and soul wrenching lifetime of all, and it is not yet over. My life has indeed (more than once) been "completely shaken up, changed, and rearranged" and I know it is far from over. But, I am prepared. I am ready. I am "evolutions" of lifetimes culminated into what became the eventual emergence and birth of my "Goddess" in this last lifetime and season just been. And She is still changing, still learning, still "becoming", on a path rare few still could or would understand, but that is ok. It is OK. I will be ok. I AM.

Words: © 2019 Rosie Chee

"The only way to make sense out of change is to plunge into it, move with it and enjoy the dance." - Alan W. Watts

"EMBRACE THE STRUGGLE AND LET IT MAKE YOU STRONGER."

"There is a darkness in me, and I have fallen in love with it." - Stacie Martin

"She has one hell of a dark soul, but damn, it's so full of light." - Melody Lee

"It may feel tough right now, but stay focused to what truly matters..." - Karen Maze

"We are riding the pendulum of some massive density waves that are moving us through layers and layers of duality.. Welcome to Gemini season... Fluctuating moods, up and down, back and forth. One day fine, then wildly not... We get to see the extremes so that we can remember where our center is, it's all a swirl of truth and information in there, but our PEACE is the center of our storm.. This is going to be one hell of a month as we move toward the Solstice... Take a deep breath and regroup, in every minute if you have to...we are walking through some thin slips between dimensions...another big wave prompting you to open your heart...get out of your linear brain where you are making yourself nuts with OVERTHINKING, and get into your heart and reassure yourself who the fuck you are."

Photographer: Charles Alexander
Bodypaint by: PhilValy

Wrote so did m.a. plutus, “there’s a little bit of heaven and a little bit of hell in her. she’s like a glass of champagne with a shot of whiskey.” Heaven and hell undoubtedly coexist within her earthly vessel, but one begs to differ that she is more mere splash of champagne in a straight up double [or more] shot of whiskey. And while that smile may hint at heaven, the hell in her glows just as bright as former’s light.

Four years have passed since this shoot of gold. Each year it could be said, a ‘season’, now come full circle with each one lived. The first spring let’s say, with the beginning of her ‘heaven’ coming to awaken, new truths birthing within, to carry her forward. Then summer, autumn, winter, who can really say which year was which, for there was a winter, time of darkness great, and into hiding to it her soul went, but when time came to emerge...Though ‘Winter Queen’ her soul sings of summer, of waves upon sands gold beneath sunlight, the hint of woods and salt on the wind whispering by, coconut and sea invoking senses in a way like she, but not memory, stands before, life itself, and real.

‘Gemini season’ today begins. As then shot in nought but gold was she, so shall this be one that glimmers and glows with sparkle and promise of all that has changed in her and will be. And for those brave enough to withstand the sharp punch of whiskey, able to see past the superficial assumptions made of her, the sweetness of the champagne that touches after will be revealed.

Words: © 2019 Rosie Chee

Sometimes God doesn’t change the situation because He’s trying to change your heart.” This really hits home, especially with everything that’s happened in the last quarter. I have to remind myself that “everything for a reason”, even when I am on my knees crying “WHY?! Why could You possibly want me HERE? For what purpose?” I don’t pretend to understand everything God does and why. Sometimes what He asks or wants us to do begs the question “WHY?!” but living on faith means we do trusting that HE knows what He’s doing.

The heart is a strange creature. Mine has almost always been hidden. It’s been locked up tight and guarded, like Sleeping Beauty’s castle surrounded by thorns, so no one gets in [and nothing gets out]. But He slowly started changing me in recent years and I let the determined “creep” their way inside. I let the “spell be broken” and the walls start crumbling down, the thorns gradually disappearing. Even as I kept a guard on watch, for still entry was to be granted only a rare few, albeit the world being able to “see” the tower and that there was a glimmer of light [not always cold] radiating from it.

But the day came when there was great desruction in the tower and the light did not glow as bright. There came a dawn of frost and a sheen of ice layered over the black. The storm passed, but not completely, and the harsh winds and vicious frost cause the ice to linger, even as the tiny flicker of fire inside the tower kept a small portion of it melted. The tower withstood the weather, retreating back away from the world despite remaining in the open, no longer as solitary as it had once been, seeing other towers in the distance, but realizing how isolated it had made itself and that only the truly determined would fight the elements and try to understand the terrain to make their way even to the base of the cliff that it rested upon.

It’s the little things that start adding up. It’s the glimmers of understanding that flicker in and out of view. It’s the moments of clarity amidst the fog that keeps one’s heart going, determined to make it through the storm, even if it doesn’t truly understand WHY. It’s finally realizing that sometimes God ALLOWS the storm and He KEEPS it in place until something INSIDE us changes, until WE start to change, until our HEART begins the transformation. It might take a day, a week, a month, a year, or longer, but He WILL take the time it needs to make the change. He WILL keep the winds blowing, the frost shivering, until that tiny flicker of fire is “fed” and allowed to light and heat more than a single room, shining light from the tower out into the world despite all that is going on around it.

Words: © Rosie Chee

“I cannot change the heartbreak, but it has changed me.” – Stacie Martin

Sometimes we are better off NOT knowing. Sometimes we need to STOP seeking answers that serve no purpose but to destroy us a little more each day we wonder or discover the truth. Curious creatures that we are we want to know, but we do not always NEED to.

Sometimes closure is simply walking AWAY. It is letting GO and letting God, understanding that He does not do things withOUT reason and that even in pain the bigger picture means that whatever we are forced to leave behind will serve to prepare us for what is to COME. It will make us STRONGER in spirit, heart, and mind, reinforcing the areas of our soul that need to “carry” us through until that time when we will finally see the WHY in all of this.

Sometimes we must SURRENDER our thirst for knowledge and let the answers lie. We must become comfortable with the fact that we might NEVER know the reason for such senseless action and everything that does not make sense and conflicts with everything we know to be true (or thought we did).

Sometimes we must trust that He is taking us away from something that would have caused far more destruction had we REMAINED where we were and is leading us towards the future we were always meant to be walking. That trust can be hard to find when your world has fallen apart around you, but there is something in you far greater than any devastation you can stand in, and that faith will be the anchor that keeps you able TO stand, as many times as it takes.

Sometimes SURRENDER is the best option. It is not a choice we have to make, but in making it our soul might finally find some rest, as we release our desire to be in control of everything and just hand over the steering wheel to let ourselves be DRIVEN.

Words: © Rosie Chee

 

"Sometimes you have to let your feelings breathe." - perry poetry

"Returning" to yourself will bring criticism from others, accusations of "selfish" from those who always benefitted from your kind heart. Ignore it. You (and your "true blue" tribe) know your truth and understand the importance of the time being taken. Others will always have an opinion of who and what you should be, what you should be doing or living for, and it is just that - opinions and nothing more. It may not be an easy course, and such times may feel "worse before it gets better", but stay strong and true to your soul and what your instinct knows to be "right" for you.

Words: © Rosie Chee

I have no problems sitting with others in their darkness, though I am learning that most cannot sit in MINE. And that is okay; I do not need them to. When you have become more comfortable in darkness than light, your heart starts to see everything differently than it once did. You appreciate more than ever the rare souls who [even if they do not, at least try] to understand the melody of you, and do not run away when that song turns dark.

I know that I have been changing, that song darker than chaos from repressed pain becoming conscious. Yet, still there is no one I would rather be than ME. The superficial shell that houses my soul may be easy for others to want, but I know that the substance of the soul inside is hard for many to understand and accept [let alone love]. So there is no judgment when most run; the softness hidden in that dark is only for those strong enough to handle its truths.

Words: © 2019 Rosie Chee

THE COIN

The ground beneath you is unstable, threatening to collapse beneath you, but you have NO fear because you know that it NEEDS to for you to rise to the NEXT level of your life. Your eyes are OPEN to see the outstretched hands above you, knowing now that there ARE those who care and WANT to see you move FORWARD in your life, who want to walk WITH you through life, not because they want something from you, but because they SEE you and “get it”. They get WHO you are and understand where you have been, knowing where you are GOING, desiring to be a part of the NEW life that God is opening up and creating for you to step into.

You need no one to tell you what you want, because you suddenly REALIZED it, waking one morning to find that everything had CHANGED, that little voice in your soul whispering truths you had until now tried to deny to yourself, thinking that if you ignored them, they would go away and be less real, but now, knowing that they are NOT, nor wanting them to disappear, READY to allow them opportunity to GROW and FLOURISH in your life, the one you are stepping INTO.

You know now that you are NOT alone. You know now your HEART. You know now what you SEEK in your future. You know now that you are READY. This is YOUR time, to take a chance on something you would never have risked for before, to give yourself more room to GROW and OPEN your soul to the wonders He has waiting for you. There is no better time than NOW. LISTEN to that inner voice, ACCEPT and reach for those outstretched hands, and LET yourself live life the way you were always INTENDED to.

Words: © Rosie Chee

"...there IS a change and it has been happening withIN..." - Rosie Chee

Grief affects everyone differently. I have come to learn that it hits in waves. Unexpected, every time, out of nowhere, shifting hard the space within. Sometimes though, hours, even days before the wave hits, there have been feelings of something amiss, without reason why, but even that wave bringing no answers with. Yet the parallels eventually connect, soul threads becoming an image you will not forget. Nothing is random, even if it seems so, and while we may not understand at the time, we need to allow ourselves the space to honour the emotions, feelings and sense of grief that overcome us.

Words: © 2019 Rosie Chee

Everything that I have been through up to this point is my PAST. The past is GONE and yes, we are supposed to let it GO. BUT…That does NOT mean that we ever forget it, for it has played an ESSENTIAL role in creating the person we are TODAY. Every experience, every tear, every smile, every heartache, every joy, every person who has entered and left, every sunset and dawn, everything has contributed to our personal and spiritual growth and development. Everything has advanced our MATURITY as an individual and in LIFE. EVERYTHING. There is NOTHING that is insignificant, even though some events stand out as milestones on the path we have traversed.
My past has taught me. It has given and it has taken from me. It has forced me to bend and break and yield. It has caused me to rise and fight and determined strength. It has been a path through plains of drought and fields of plenty, up mountains of struggle and down waterfalls of ease, and through it all, I have been moulded.
My past may have helped “create” me, but it does not DEFINE me. I am NOT my past. I am who I CHOOSE to be. I am what I have chosen to TAKE from my past, what I have ALLOWED to creep inside my soul and reside there, pulling my heart and guiding my mind in its formation of life and purpose.
I can look back on my past and see the steps, the journey, the experiences that have been the biggest “turning points” in my life. I can recognize the PEOPLE who have had the most impact on my soul and created the most development in my being. I can understand that from my SOUL stems my feelings about life, starting unconsciously, until it manifests either in heart or mind, through emotion or vision. I can ACCEPT that EVERYTHING has been a part of my path to AWARENESS, my journey of growth and development.
Everything current and future will eventually too become part of my past, part of my journey, my STORY. Everything that has happened, is happening, or will happen, is IMPORTANT. But not as important as SEEING it as it happens and understanding that not all things in life will shape us in the way we desire, but instead in the way that we NEED, in order for us to become ALL we CAN be.
Words: © Rosie Chee

"people come back stronger. so I wouldn't worry about how hard you've been hit...it's the way you rise that counts. the way you come back and the way you deal with what brought you down...that's what makes you who you are. how you fall and how you fly and how far you extend your wings...that's what's important here. remember that." - r.m. drake

Image: Rosie Chee

It is in our softness that we learn to love, when we take off our armour and let ourselves be seen for the soul within. And those who truly cherish that soul will not seek to break it, but encourage the strength within to be the light that seeps out, so that armour no longer needs to be worn.


Words: [Extract] © Rosie Chee​


Image: Rosie Chee