2012 | Day 94: Do you know what it’s like when you’re scared to see yourself?

MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE OF THE DAY

"When we are born, we are all given one thing that we can count on: a life to live. Each of us has a life. For some it is shorter, for others it is longer. For some, it comes with challenges whether physical, mental, emotional, or circumstantial. For others, there are few challenges.

"But regardless of the hand we are dealt, we must play it out. We can play, we can fold, or we can hold the cards and do nothing. But in each instance, we make a decision. Even when we decide to do nothing, we have made a decision.

"And where you are now in life is the sum total of all the decisions you have made in your life.

"The good news is that if you don't like where you are now, YOU CAN CHANGE it! You don't have control over the past, but YOU HAVE CONTROL over today and tomorrow!" - Lee Labrada

TRAINING

Elliptical 30 min

Stretch 21 min

Almost instantly asleep after posting yesterday's update. However, it was not to last and I woke up just ~1.5 hours later. And for some reason, STARVING, which led to me wolfing down almost everything I could find, ~1,000 calories in chocolate, ~1,000 calories in multigrain crackers, ~1,000 calories in almonds, and then close to another ~1,000 calories in cottage cheese and bacon bits (with the crackers), which was interesting to say the least, and yes, regretted afterwards. Anyways, wide awake again, I didn't start feeling my eyes "tire" until ~0330, when I fell asleep for ~4 hours. Which is ok (see "Other Notes" below re training changes)...After time to "gather" myself, I went downstairs to the Fitness Room and did the Elliptical for 30 minutes (yes, 10 minutes more than I usually would - someone had set it at for that and I couldn't be bothered changing it), where my knees were mostly fine (sharp pain on the inferiomedial aspect of my right one for the first half) and only a slight twinge in my left arch during the first few minutes. My left wrist was in a lot of pain though - I've actually had it strapped up since last night it has been that bad, and going to keep it strapped for a few days to let it "settle". Afterwards, sat in the sauna, actually enjoying the feeling of sweat dripping on my skin - very relaxing. Back to my room to stretch...A 7-mile Run WAS on the agenda for this evening, but I suddenly got very exhausted and passed out for several hours, waking to the thunderstorm (love waking to the sound of it, by the way, and for some reason makes me think of being back at the beach house, watching the waves crash on the shore as the rain pounds the windows) outside, and just letting it go - after all, it SHOULD be a "easier" week this week, and the "deload" may actually HELP re progress...

OTHER NOTES

Changes This Week

This is my thirteenth week back training since my time out for all the injuries that assaulted me at the end of 2011. It's been a slow recovery process, only really being able to up my training over the last five weeks, but it's been well worth it. My last "easy"/deload week was six weeks ago, and because I need my body to KEEP going for at LEAST another SEVEN weeks before I will allow myself to have a week of only 3-4 days of training (i.e. a week "OFF" - anything LESS than 1-2 resistance sessions and 2-3 cardio sessions and my body is not very functional, so that is what my weeks "OFF" will consist of henceforth, if they are given), THIS week I am changing things up a little re training days, albeit keeping the volume the same, as well as intensity, just "spreading it over" the week instead of "clumping" it, so that my body gets a little bit of a "WTF?!" and CONTINUES to make progress, since this week is ESSENTIAL - I NEED to lose at LEAST 0.5% bodyfat this week! Also adding in more "recovery" measures re sauna and the hot/cold-spa/pool at least 5-6 days this week (continuation to be determined at the end of the week).

Also going to use this week to REALLY get a handle on my nutrition, since the last two weeks were so completely UNdisciplined and far OUTSIDE of even MY "normal", that even with my training hard and intense, I fell backwards faster than I could blink (highly disappointed and disgusted with myself!), and that is NOT acceptable! I know what my body is "comfortable" at, and if I am going to be "unconditioned", it canNOT go above that, which is currently is, and I will endeavour to ensure it is not so again. To be perfectly frank, the way my nutrition was five weeks ago was the period when my body felt the BEST, and I definitely know that the Lean Gains 16-hour fast/8-hour feeding window suits my body the best as far as nutritional protocols. So, reiterating this fact more to myself than anything, mentally "setting" myself for what MUST be.

2012 | Day 91: All the pieces torn apart...

MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Learn to develop the no excuse attitude and watch how your life begins to change for the better." - Jason Selk

For the complete Motivational, review NO EXCUSES! | WPM Women.

TRAINING

Run 7 miles @ 4.57 min/mile pace

Stretch 20 min

Did not get to sleep until quite late this morning, but I DID sleep - for ~4 hours, which is optimal. Headed out about an hour after getting up for my run. Knees were ok, not bothering me, which was surprising, considering the way they were last night. Pace was not fast, but not as slow as it has been either. Very humid out (definitely early morning or late at night is preferable for me if I am to run outside) and I could feel the beads of sweat on my face, my hair sticking to my arms and back. Stretching was welcome...I WAS going to do another 7-mile run this evening, but after a disturbing response this afternoon to something - similar but more severe that what I've been experiencing when doing post-weights cardio re not being able to breathe - and with everything going on today, I decided against it. Besides, I've already done three days of pm cardio, so figured I'll "be ok" with "letting it go" today - sometimes I DO have to stop treating my body like a machine...

2012 | Day 90: ...making me all I was meant to be...

MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE OF THE DAY

"'For I know the plans I have for you', says the Lord, 'plans to give you hope and a future'." - Jeremiah 29:10

For the complete Motivational, review Trust In HIS Timing | WPM Women.

TRAINING

Session 1

HIIT Run:
a. 4 min jogging
b. 12 x 20 sec sprint/10 sec easy
c. 10 min jogging

Full-Body (30 sec recovery between trisets/skipping):
TriSet A -
1. Rope Crunches 3 x 15
2. Reverse Curls (on floor) 3 x 10
3. Ab Rollout 3 x 15
Skip x 300 revolutions
TriSet B -
4. DB Bicep Curls 3 x 21s
5. DB Hammer Curls 3 x 10
6. Alternate DB Hammer Bicep Curls 3 x 15 per side
Skip x 300 revolutions
TriSet C -
7. Rear Flyes 3 x 10
8. Plate Lateral Raises 3 x 15
9. Plate Hammer Raises 3 x 10
Skip x 300 revolutions
TriSet D -
10. Neutral Grip Seated Row (each hand with individual handle) 3 x 10
11. Side-to-side DB Push-Ups (feet on floor, hands on DB) 3 x 10
12. Stiff-Legged BB Deadlifts (on bench, reaching down 6 inches with the BB) 3 x 10
Skip x 300 revolutions

Post-Weights Cardio:
Recline Bike 20 min @ 102-104 rpm

Stretch 20 min

Session 2

Recline Bike 20 min @ 112 rpm

Slept for barely an hour this morning, just ending up getting up at my usual time...Headed out for HIIT - right knee slowed me a little, but not by a lot. Pain was more in my left shoulder/biceps tendon and under my ribs during (which was odd)...SO ready for the gym and hammering my body, energy high despite my 7-mile run last night and literally no sleep. Feeling my abs burn during TriSet A - also both shoulders on the Ab Rollout. Left wrist had the same deep, aching pain around my scaphoid during TriSet B as last week, and took it a little slower, my expressions alternating between smiles (when I was thinking of you) and grimaces (when the pain overtook the memory). to punish myself more, did a few more reps to add to the pain on Alternate DB Hammer Bicep Curls. Vascularity was awesome, as it always is now when I'm training - definitely think it has something to do with how warm I am and how I train and I have got to have this for photoshoots (working on it). Interestingly enough, during my skipping between trisets, my RIGHT delt looked more capped, with more definition to that side than my left; yet during TriSet C re Plate Lateral Raises and Hammer Raises, my LEFT side had more definition. Rear Flyes were a definite effort, clicking my neck back "into" place after every set. Back to the Neutral Grip Seated Cable Rows (each arm with its own handle) - increased the weight from what I used yesterday. Again, on the last set of Side-to-side DB Push-Ups, on the eighth rep of the second set there was a loud crack and pop in my right shoulder, followed by pain, which I had to pause briefly after, but completed the set. Right knee was NOT appreciating the skipping...A little slower on the Recline Bike today, because of my right knee, but it was done..."Limped" home, trying my best not to put too much pressure on my right leg...LEFT shoulder/biceps tendon has been giving me more pain than the right today, but both have been a constant biting sting that sometimes makes me want to SCREAM, especially during any shoulder flexion, which is causing me to be careful with my movement of them...Started feeling the lack of sleep a little ~1300, and passed out for about an hour, waking and not able to get any more...Didn't mind going downstairs to the Fitness Room for the Recline Bike. Both knees ached on it, but I forced them to spin at 112 rpm (so much easier to do a higher pace on this one than the one at the gym - the seat angle is the difference), half-way between laughing and crying for the better part of it. Afterwards though, walked VERY gingerly back to my suite, my legs NOT appreciating the stairs, wanting to have my walking stick to help me (sigh). Hopefully they'll be a little better tomorrow...

2012 | Day 86: Sometimes I can't be put back together...

MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE OF THE DAY

"If you believe in something then stand by it! Live it and let it represent you! Don’t let people, places and things define who you truly know you are!" - Ben Booker

For the complete Motivational, review Define YOURSELF! | WPM Women.

TRAINING

Session 1

HIIT Run:
a. 4 min jogging
b. 10 x 20 sprint/10 sec easy
c. 10 min jogging

Shoulders/Hamstrings (30 sec recovery between supersets):
SuperSet A -
1. Behind-the-neck BB Military Press 4 x 10, 10, 8, 8
2. Skip 4 x 100 revolutions
SuperSet B -
3. Rear Delt Flyes 2 x 10
4. Skip 2 x 100 revolutions
SuperSet C -
5. BB Military Press 4 x 12, 10, 10, 8
6. Skip 4 x 100 revolutions
SuperSet D -
7. Plate Hammer Raises 2 x 10
8. Skip 2 x 100 revolutions
SuperSet E -
9. Single-Arm DB Lateral Raises 4 x 10 per side
10. Skip 4 x 100 revolutions
SuperSet F -
11. DB Lateral Raises 2 x 12
12. Skip 2 x 100 revolutions
SuperSet G -
13. Stiff-Legged BB Deadlifts (on bench, reaching down 6 inches with the BB) 4 x 10
14. Skip 4 x 100 revolutions
SuperSet H -
15. Swissball Leg Curls 2 x 12
16. Skip 2 x 100 revolutions

Post-Weights Cardio:
Recline Bike 20 min @ 101-104 rpm

Stretch 28 min

Session 2

Recline Bike 20 min @ 106-110 rpm

My body was feeling pretty shattered last night, and for some reason rather nauseous as I took a client through a late-night session (no more of these, especially after being awake for over a day!), relieved to get back home, shower, and get into bed. Did NOT dose any G8 and passed out within ~5 minutes of going to bed, sleeping right through for ~4.5 hours, waking half an hour later than "usual". Felt a little groggy on waking, but quickly came to...Still a little nausea lingering, headed off for my HIIT Run. Right knee was stabbing sharply from the start, but bore with it. Despite that, sprints were explosive and the best they've been since the start of a couple of weeks ago. Right shoulder/bicep started acting up sharply as well re pain after nine sprints, so decided to do three more and then just jog the rest of the way back. As I was finishing the second-to-last of my sprints, the smell of fresh-cut grass wafted through the air, making me think of summer, smiling...Was seeing stars when I got back to my hotel room getting ready to head to the gym...At the gym, started out as usual. Right shoulder/biceps tendon was pretty tender and sharp pain shooting through it every now and then, but kept on going with everything, forcing out a couple more reps re Behind-the-neck BB Military Press for my second and last sets than last week, and doing more also re BB Military Press. Struggled badly with Rear Flyes this week, although used the same weight as last week, which was interesting. Plate Hammer Raises saw the start of a pounding migraine, and during the second set of Single-Arm DB Lateral Raises my vision started blurring, forcing me to REALLY have to concentrate on what I was doing. Gritting of teeth for DB Lateral Raises, since my right side was already suffering from Single-Arm DB Lateral Raises (left side strength back to being superior - likely from the pain in the right today), and staggering a little between skipping and returning to the dumbbell rack for each set. Light-headed and dizzy during Stiff-Legged BB Deadlifts and on my third set I almost overbalanced and fell forward, which cause me to "catch" myself and "wake up". All skipping re the second "exercise" of each superset was done feeling almost like I was in slow motion today, floating, watching myself do it, which was odd. Right knee was also favoured terribly for 90% of it, which is not going to be good on my left leg tomorrow...Relieved to just be able to sit on the Recline Bike and let my legs tick over. The last few minutes, even though heart rate was fairly low, it hurt to breathe and I had to press a hand to my chest to get through and not be a gasping mess falling off the bike..Walked home a little more slowly than usual. Needing the stretching when I got back to my suite...Feeling fatigued from ~1100 onward today, but not able to sleep (getting used to that). Anyways, by the time it came to do evening cardio, not feeling like doing it, but doing it half an hour earlier than planned (didn't particularly feel like waiting until 2130), glad to get away from my phone (which has been a constant annoyance today; seems like when you want your space, every man and his dogs tries to bother you - except from those whom I have WANTED to be talking to), I went down to the hotel Fitness Room and just sat on the Recline Bike. My BODY DIDN'T want to be there - kept yawning and my right knee was just another b*tch to deal with. Got me thinking as I sat there, forcing the pace a little more than just 100 rpm, everyone talks about "motivation". Well, believe me, when you've lived this lifestyle as long as some of us have (and I've lived it a lot less than some others!), "motivation" becomes merely another surface term. After all, you do what you do whether you're "motivated" or not, whether you "feel" like it or not. It's something so deeply ingrained into you that it's as simple as you do it or you don't. Trust me, just because you're in the gym early busting ass lifting weights or doing double cardio sessions (double cardio sucks, no matter how short each session) doesn't mean that you ENJOY it either (which is obvious some days, and thankfully people have learnt NOT to approach me when I'm training!); sometimes you just do it because you DO it and there's nothing else for it. No "motivation" required. You simply just DO it, PERIOD! Anyways, that's the end of my small rant for today. Now that I've DONE my second cardio session, ironically, I WOULD have "woken up", GRRR, knee hurting like all hell...

2012 | Day 84: Break Me Down

MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Walk your path one step at a time – with courage, faith, and determination. Keep your head up and cast your dreams to the stars. Soon your steps will become firm, and your footing will be solid again. A path that you never imagined will become the most comfortable direction you could have ever hoped to follow.

"Keep your belief in yourself and walk into your new journey. You will find it magnificent, spectacular, and beyond your wildest imaginings." - Vicki Silvers

TRAINING

Recline Bike 20 min @ 112 rpm

Stretch 30 min

Took half a scoop of G8 at 0432 and went to bed 10 minutes later. Asleep by 0500. Woke on the hour every hour from 1000-1300, and, feeling completely shattered, went back to bed at 1310, finally waking at 1510 (woken by a text). As with every other day this week I have slept, took a real EFFORT to NOT just lie back down and go back to sleep, getting up to start my "day"...Waited a couple of hours before doing cardio - decided to do the Recline Bike and leave my run until later (when it's dark and likely to be deserted out - I like it better that way). Right knee was really bad and every spin felt like someone was stabbing me with a very sharp knife in the superiomedial aspect of it. Regardless, I didn't want it to be a "slow" session and gritted my teeth, forcing my legs to spin. Right knee was NOT very happy afterwards, although relieved to be done, throbbing with both pain and heat...Stretching did little to "ease" anything today. Although my mind screams protest against the idea because this week has been so terrible with everything BUT training, I quickly made the SMART decision NOT to do a second cardio session and give my knees a chance to recuperate a little...

2012 | Day 15: Rise...gotta reach down, dig deep, and break ground...It's do or die!

MOTIVATIONAL QUOTE OF THE DAY

"Everything in life changes you in some way, even the smallest things. If you do not accept these changes, you do not accept yourself. For through these changes brings new and greater things to you, making you wiser as time progresses. To avoid these changes is a loss. You only live your life once. Do not waste a minute of it avoiding things. Let them come to you and learn from them. There is always tomorrow." - Adam R. Gwizdala

For the complete Motivational, review Change | WPM Women.

TRAINING

First week back training since the start of December. It didn't happen as I planned, especially since it was also my first week back at work in a very active training job. That said, I did what I could, my body getting adequate recovery, and I definitely got to see what I can do and what is going to take a little patience re recovery and building up on.

Training completed this week:

Monday

Day OFF

I did not get to sleep until after 0300, and was barely awake when my reset alarm went off at 0600, so no training was done before work. Because of that, I intended to do my first resistance session after work, but spending all day training members shot out my knees, my shoulder in pain, and I couldn't wait to just sit down, get off my feet, and let my body rest.

Tuesday

Session 1

HIIT Run:
a. 4 min jogging
b. 8 x 20 sec sprint/10 sec easy
c. 12 min jogging

Session 2

Shoulders (30 seconds recovery between alternate sets):
Alternate Set A -
1. BB Military Press 2 x 6-8
2. DB Hammer Raises 2 x 8
Alternate Set B -
3. DB Lateral Raises 2 x 10
4. Single-Arm Lateral Raises 2 x 10 per side
Alternate Set C -
5. Seated Bent Over DB Rear Raises 2 x 8
6. Reverse Flyes 2 x 10

Still did not go to sleep until after ~0300, but forced myself to get up when the 0630 alarm went off (yes, I know, later than I want, but I set it when I finally "went to bed", making allowances for going to sleep so late...Running was definitely an issue. After two minutes, my right knee started catching and seizing up. Stubborn as I am, instead of turning around, I kept going. My running was very awkward, my sprints not too much faster than my jogging, since I could not run properly at all, favouring my right side, my right leg almost straight for the duration of the session. My left knee started catching and seizing up at ~16 minutes, and I pretty much limped my way back to the hotel...BB Military Press was painful, especially on the second set - which is why I stopped there, and decided to do only two sets per exercise. Pain through right shoulder and bicep was manageable, but still enough that I was cradling my right arm between sets of every exercise. I should have given myself longer recovery time, ~1 minute, instead of only 30 seconds between alternate sets, but I stubbornly wanted to push myself, since I was using ~30 seconds re recovery before I was injured - that, and I wanted to make my sessions shorter, since I was doing them after a very physical and painful (being on my feet for 8-10 hours on concrete caused many issues, and I returned to using my walking stick after Monday) day at work. Lateral Raises were a little difficult, considering my range of motion before pain sets in is still only raising my right arm ~30 degrees, and I was so very close to tears forcing myself to go to shoulder-height with the weights. All my weights were low - strength loss because of limited function in my right shoulder very apparent. Very unhappy with how it went, and very sore afterwards, but I got in there and DID it!...

Wednesday

Arms (30 sec recovery between alternate sets):
Alternate Set A -
1. Dips 3 x 6
2. DB Zottoman Curls 3 x 15
Alternate Set B -
3. V-Bar Tricep Push-Downs 3 x 6-10
4. Alternate DB Hammer Bicep Curls 3 x 15 per side
Alternate Set C -
5. Push-Ups (feet on floor, hands on floor right under chest) 3 x 6
6. Cable V-Bar Bicep Curls 3 x 10-12

Post-Weights Cardio:
Recline Bike 20 min @ 106-109 rpm

Another morning of not going to sleep until only a couple of hours before I had to get up for work, so training had to wait until AFTER work...I already knew before I started that Dips (and anything that required shoulder extension with elbow flexion) was going to be a battle - if I could even do them. The pain in my right shoulder was excruciating by the end of the third rep of every set, but I gritted my teeth and just kept pushing for more, determined to do it, despite the fact that my left side was doing the brunt of the work for the second half of each set (a little like my right side was doing the work when I started back after fracturing my left wrist both times). The Push-Ups were the same, and I barely managed three reps each time, forcing more out, almost collapsing on my face on the last couple of reps each set, favouring my right side with my left. Very noticeable was the fact that either my right shoulder/bicep is still quite swollen, or I have lost muscle mass there, since as I was doing the Push-Ups, where I could see definition in my left shoulder/bicep, there was NONE in my right side...I was a little wary about using the Recline Bike afterwards, but I wanted to make sure that I got in my 20 minutes of cardio. PAIN right from the start in both of my knees - sharp and cutting, like someone was stabbing my knees over and over. However, I had set my mind, and, putting "Back for More" by Five Finger Death Punch on repeat, I focused on the words, blinked back the tears stinging my eyes from the pain, and kept going until I had finished...

Thursday

HIIT Recline Bike:
a. 4 min @ 108 rpm
b. 8 x 20 sec effort/10 sec easy
c. 4 min @ 108 rpm

Took even longer to get to sleep this morning, passing out just after 0430...My knees felt better in the morning, and since the only thing I could think of that was different on Wednesday, was that I had forced myself to do 20 minutes on the Recline Bike post-weights (I was still getting around using my walking stick, using JOINT FORCE on my knees (and right shoulder) first thing and pre-bed. Since I wanted to do THREE HIIT sessions this week, I did a short one - during a brief break of not training members, instead of waiting until after work and risking hardly being able to walk and not doing training. Knees were the same on starting, but seemed to "loosen" up after the first effort. I was glad to finish though, since my knees were starting to hurt again with the slower cadence...

Friday

Day OFF

Four hours of sleep, waking with 30 minutes before I had to leave for work. Ended up being a longer than usual work day, leaving late, with no time to do even a short resistance session.

Saturday

HIIT Run:
a. 4 min jogging
b. 8 x 20 sec sprint/10 sec easy
c. 8 min jogging

Abs/Hamstrings/Back/Chest (30 seconds recovery between alternate sets A and B; no recovery between alternate sets C):
Alternate Set A -
1. Rope Crunches 3 x 25
2. Stiff-Legged BB Deadlifts 3 x 10
Alternate Set B -
3. Supinated Lat Pull-Down 3 x 10
4. Push-Ups (feet on floor, hands on DB) 3 x 10
Alternate Set C -
5. Swissball Wall Crunches (feet on wall, knees at 90 degree flexion) 3 x 25
6. Plank 3 x 1 minute

Passed out before midnight (the first all week) on Friday night. However, waking on almost every hour until 0800, because of pain in my right shoulder. Because of having little time to do much all week because of my working hours, I decided to get some of the things that needed doing done before having to get ready for work, my training planned on being completed AFTER work withOUT excuse...After having Friday off training (my knees and right shoulder were pretty painful throughout that day), despite how my knees felt during my HIIT Run on Tuesday, I decided to give it another go, hoping that it wouldn't be a repeat session. Unfortunately, I was limping right from the start, and once I had finished my sprints (which were, again, not very fast, but as fast as I could go), I headed back...I wasn't sure how the Rope Crunches would go, since by the time I got to this session later in the week, I was having to physically push my right arm up if I wanted it to go any higher than ~30 degrees, it was starting to get that stiff again, but I managed them. Little strength lost on any of the exercises in this session, except for Push-Ups (which was to be expected)...

Sunday

Day OFF

Knees very painful, spending the majority of the day in bed, off my feet as much as possible, because I am only going to give my body ONE week of "mercy" re training!

OTHER NOTES

Body Composition

Body Composition increased ever so slightly to 9.3% bodyfat - NOT happy, but accepting it and determining that henceforth it will only DECREASE; I NEED to be under 8.3% bodyfat ASAP to even start to feel remotely comfortable in my own body.

Supplements

Ran out of Erase on Wednesday, so there is no more until it arrives. Actually ended up starting Battlefuel on Tuesday, instead of waiting until next week.

WPM Women

The FIRST ever issue of WPM Women is now out! I am excited and honoured to be a part of this beginning and only look forward to being able to bring you more amazing issues!

WPM Women, Winter 2012

The iMag and Kindle editions are already available, with the print and Barnes and Noble Nook issues made available by Monday. To get your copy, go to: Buy WPM Women Winter 2012 Issue.

Now that I've had a week to "acclimatize" myself re training and work, there are NO excuses for NEXT week to be anything LESS than what I WANT to do! Let's make it a GREAT week, Everyone!