April 19, 2013



Even before the dust settles, you can begin to have clear vision. Even through the blurry haze in front of you, your instinct will know the truth. What you thought you knew was just an illusion, the suspicions in your heart revealed as truth before you. That final realization, the knot in the ball of your stomach, the racing of your heart and struggle to breathe, uncomfortable as it may be, will pass. The losing of that illusion will pass. And in the end you will be stronger for it. You will not allow yourself to be fooled again. You will listen to your instinct and not go against it because the words spoken into the world appear to ring truth.

It hurts. It hits deep, like a knife taken to your soul, tearing strips in it as one might tear skin from one in torture. You always thought you could trust the rare ones you let into your soul, and to find you were wrong is like waking up to harsh light after walking endless days in darkness. The world beneath your feet wobbles and threatens to destabilize you, but you have to find the strength to focus and hold on, keeping yourself upright, for you cannot let anyone see you buckle. You cannot let yourself buckle, for then what respect would you have left for yourself. What dignity could you hold onto?

Losing an illusion is a soul shattering event. It creates a rift in the trust in your heart that might not ever be repaired, and certainly will never be the same. It causes the wariness to creep back into your soul, a somewhat distant caring of what comes next, the beginning of new walls you’re not sure you will ever want to let be broken down. Losing an illusion, especially if that illusion was so real, will devastate you more than if you ever knew the entire truth from the start, and you have to forgive yourself for being human and wanting to believe in something beautiful, even if it all turned out to be a lie in the end.

© 2013 Rosie Chee