Not because it makes me vulnerable. I have gotten past that. But because you are too much like me, the way I used to be, and that actually is a little "scary" for me. I did not let myself feel and eliminated all emotion even before I knew it existed, put up walls and barriers and no one got close, so much that I really never had awareness of myself or my heart until it was too late. But something changed to make me change that, for me to dare to bring down the barricade of ice and thorns that kept the world at a distance. And in being open I discovered more than I could have imagined for me. And you, you are like me, the me that I was, the one that pushes the one wanted the most, away, because it makes you vulnerable, and being vulnerable is not something you ever allow you to be, for being vulnerable opens you up to the possibility of being hurt, and being hurt means deep inner pain, unlike the physical pain you can brush off. It hurts me to know this, as much as it hurts me to try to let go of someone who my now open and strangely soft heart has so much care for, more than any before, and those that there were, rare even then, or now too. But you, you are the one who encompasses it all, nothing no other has ever managed before. So yes, I am vulnerable and I let myself be, because I love you more than I ever wanted to, and that is what "scares" me.

Words: © 2018 Rosie Chee