December 26, 2010

Day 359: To move forward, let go of the past

Quote of the Day

"The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want." - Walt Ostarly

Training

HIIT Rollers:
a. 4 min in 39x16 @ 116 rpm
b. 8 x 20 sec effort/10 sec easy in 39x16 (efforts @ rpm NA; easy @ 70 rpm)
c. 8 x 40 sec effort/20 sec easy in 39x16 (efforts @ rpm NA; easy @ 70 rpm)
d. 8 x 60 sec effort/30 sec easy in 39x16 (efforts @ rpm NA; easy @ 70 rpm)
e. 4 min easy 39x16 @ 116 rpm

Stretch 22 min.

Comments

Sleep - Time and Quality: Woke after both five and eight hours - should have got up after five hours, but went straight back to sleep almost instantly. No more of this - from now on, it's back to DISCIPLINE!

Mood/Aggression: NOT happy with myself - for the lack of training, terrible nutrition, poor sleeping habits, and a whole host of things, but most of it is my own fault, and I knew I would feel like this even as it was happening, so I cannot say I didn't know. It's time to use the pent-up aggression and kick myself back into training and doing what I know I should and have to!

Energy: Not a lot, but there is a driving force making sure I get things done.

Mental Focus and Clarity: There.

Stress: After having my body composition and measurements done today, even though I knew it would happen, has stressed me out a little more, despite knowing that being back on track with training again will negate those effects soon enough.

Libido: Some.

Joints: Left wrist has actually been twinging a little today.

Endurance: Fine.

Pump: In legs.

Vascularity: Normal.

Quality of Training: Felt good to be back on my bike again - albeit a little uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as running would have been. Efforts were fine - nice to have a change of cardio mode. Definite sweating and heart rate explosion!

Recovery: Feeling quads afterwards, but ok otherwise.

Body Composition and Look: 11% bodyfat at 123 pounds (no surprise that my breasts are larger, then, with the higher body composition). Gained a little bodyfat and weight - mostly because of NOT training (and continuing to eat as normal). Embarrassed and horrified at what I see in the mirror, but knowing that I can get back to ~10% bodyfat by the end of the week - training again is going to make such a DIFFERENCE. My statement in an earlier log of being uncomfortable at anything over ~9.5% bodyfat is truer than ever, and it's time to start being more serious about maintaining in the lower range of the 8-10% bodyfat I have set myself to maintain.

Other Notes: The past is done - I can't do anything about it. The future is yet to come - I can only know what I want to achieve. The here is now - it's the time to do what I know I must, in order to achieve the future I desire . . . It goes without saying that often there is more going on than what is said in an online journal/log, and I have always been detailed (if not OVER-detailed), but now it's time to be completely transparent re goals, etc. and hold myself more accountable than ever, for it's fine to know what one wants themselves, but letting others know is even harder. Not only that, but it helps to provide that extra measure of accountability, an extra measure to ensure that one stays on track, because to fail is UNacceptable, especially if you have not done all you could to attain your goals! It's all or nothing; that's the way it always has been with me - until this year. Somewhere along the way, my discipline diminished, and I didn't do everything as well as I could (so yes, I have no one to blame but myself for what I did not achieve that I wanted to). Half measures are NEVER conducive, so now that I have finalized what I want to do over the next year, where I want to be in the next few years, and know the steps I must take to reach that, it has to be ALL again - like it was when I was cycling (sometimes I miss those days, but I will never go back, and I am grateful for the many valuable lessons and habits I took from them). ONWARD! It's time to let go of regrets and "what ifs" and "if onlys". To move forward, one must let go of the past, and it's MY time to stop remembering what I was like, and focus on the person I am and WILL become . . .